Sunday, June 17, 2001 (Father’s Day)
by Jeff Gillenkirk

The first American Father’s Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910, at the instigation of Mrs. John. B. Dodd to honor her father, who single-handedly raised six children on a farm in eastern  Washington after his wife died in childbirth.  In choosing to celebrate a single dad, Mrs. Dodd proved to be far more prescient than anyone possibly could have thought at the time.

Quietly, a revolution is taking place in the U.S. family.  Census figures for 2000 show that the number of single-father households soared by 62 percent over the past decade — 10 times faster than traditional homes and 2 1/2; times faster than single-mother households.

Fully one-fifth of single parents today are single fathers — more than 2 million of them.  This is up from 1970, when single-mother families made up about 90 percent of single parent families.  And while almost everyone thinks of mother when portraying working single parents, nearly 30 percent of working single parents today are men.

Times clearly are changing.  In many respects, they had to.  The startling failure rate of American marriages, with more than half still ending in divorce, means an equally startling rise in the number of single parents and couples sharing custody of children.  That a large number are turning out to be single fathers is perhaps due to some law of averages, though research shows that it has as much to do with the changing nature of family and nurturing in this country as anything else.

With more women in the workplace than ever — almost 70 percent of women with children under 18 — more men are stay-at-home dads (as many as 2 million, surveys show).  Urged for years to take more of a hands-on role within their marriages, many fathers have done just that, and it’s changing the way men act after their marriages end.

Through some critical mass — by choice, by court order, by circumstances — more fathers than ever are becoming hands-on fathers.  I am one of them.  I was the principal caregiver as my then-wife completed her medical residency. I took our son to parks, hiked, shopped, cleaned and read with him.  I put him down for his nap, changed him, fed him, burped him, giggled and galloped with him.  I took him to the pediatrician for his first shots, and held his sobbing body after the deep shock of needles.  Over the past five years as a joint-custody father on my own, I have been just as involved in his upbringing.

It’s hard work, for sure.  The lack of time, adult stimulation and loss of income all speak strongly against it.  But the inner rewards of a day-in, day-out relationship with our own children has no parallel — a secret more men are discovering.

A recent Gallup Poll found that 59 percent of American men derived a greater sense of satisfaction from caring for their family than from a job well done at work.  Another poll this year by Harris Interactive found that more than 70 percent of men in their 20s and 30s would be willing to give up some their pay in exchange for more time with their families (now if only American business would allow them to do it).

What Mrs. Dodd caught a glimpse of almost a century ago in her father is coming to fruition today — the hearts of men and the face of American parenting are changing.  And just in time.  A recent report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services showed that girls without a father in their life are 2½ times more likely to get pregnant and 53 percent more likely to commit suicide.  Boys without a father are 63 percent more likely to run away and 37 percent more likely to abuse drugs.  Both girls and boys are twice as likely to drop out of high school, twice as likely to end up in jail and nearly four times as likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems without a father in their lives.  Children need fathers, just as fathers need their children.

So to the millions of men already acting as hands-on, hearts-on fathers — happy Father’s Day.  And to the rest of you still waiting to emerge, come on home.  Your children are waiting.

Gillenkirk, a former Rochesterian, is now a San Francisco-based writer and author of the forthcoming novel, Real Men.